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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624439">If Only You Knew the Whole Story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engie_Ivy/pseuds/Engie_Ivy'>Engie_Ivy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Lycanthrope prejudice, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pre-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Gets a Trial, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, lycanthropy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:55:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engie_Ivy/pseuds/Engie_Ivy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>COMPLETED!</p><p>  <em>“I know it was all an illusion, and I know I should just let go, and ninety-five percent of me wants to, but this five percent still holds on to... something. And I rather deal with the certainty that the man I loved never existed than having to live with that speck of doubt for the rest of my life. I need-” Remus’s voice breaks and he takes a shaky breath. “I need to hate him.” Tears form at the corners of his eyes. “Please... Just let me hate him.”</em></p><p>The war is over, but the battle continues.<br/>As Remus Lupin tries to deal with his grief in a world that doesn't accept him, Emmeline Vance works at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, as she firmly believes in a fair legal system for everyone.<br/>Her belief is tested, however, when she gets assigned Sirius Black's case. Having to listen to his lies herself is one thing, but she can't let him hurt Remus even more than he already has.</p><p>Uses Emmeline's perspective, but focuses heavily on the relationship between Sirius and Remus.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Reparation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi,<br/>My first multi-chaptered fic!<br/>I'm quite happy with it so far, and I'd love to hear what you think! Comments are, of course, great, but most important, please enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a short time, there was relief. Relief that You Know Who was not as indestructible as he was believed to be, relief that you didn’t have to wake up fearing if today would be your turn anymore, relief that in the end the good really did conquer the bad.</p><p>All too soon, however, that relief was washed away by the shattering realization that nothing will ever be the same again. Too many painful memories, too much broken trust, too many lost lives. If the only life you’ve ever known is going to school with your friends or fighting a war with your friends, and now you’re no longer in school, the war is over and most of your friends are gone, what do you do?</p><p> </p><p>That’s the harsh reality remaining Order members Emmeline Vance and Remus Lupin are faced with. They’re trying to cope with the aftermath, having no one but each other.</p><p>As Remus is faced with a cruel and unforgiving world, in which it doesn’t seem to matter how much you’ve risked and how many lives you’ve saved if you carry a certain stigma, Emmeline tries to find a purpose in rebuilding the world.</p><p> </p><p>Emmeline trained to be an attorney-at-law during her Order time. After a long period of violation of human rights, the only way for the people who suffered to obtain some sense of closure, is by striving towards reparations.</p><p>Broadly speaking, reparations should involve three things: at first, the victims should be heard and have the opportunity to tell their story. After that comes truth-seeking, in which each case should be investigated and the evidence presented in court. As a last step, the ones deemed guilty should receive a proper punishment.</p><p>Emmeline wants to help in the strive towards justice, and contribute to a fair legal system. Therefore, she has joined the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to work as a lawyer. The time right after the war is, after all, essential for evidence to be collected, trials to be held and perpetrators to be convicted.</p><p> </p><p>Many people new to the magic community believe their legal cases must be easy: just give the suspect Veritaserum and you’ll learn the truth. However, giving someone the truth serum puts this person in a very vulnerable position, and has therefore been forbidden from the courtroom.</p><p>Someone could have a very good reason for not wanting to take Veritaserum, that has nothing to do with the charges against him or her. You might say then why not only use Veritaserum to those who voluntarily offer, to help them proof their innocence? But imagine a wizard accused of treason, while his wife is working under-cover. He won’t ask to take Veritaserum, as he’ll be at risk of revealing information that might put his wife in grave danger. But simply by not wanting to take Veritaserum, he’ll plant suspicion in the judge’s mind that maybe he really is a traitor, and be much more likely to be found guilty. The only option was to declare Veritaserum forbidden for all cases.</p><p>Another issue had been forged potions, where the real serum was secretly replaced with a non-effective imitation. Someone could then say anything they wanted to, and everyone would assume it to be completely true, falsely led to believe the person was under the influence of Veritaserum.</p><p>There had also been cases in which suspects’ memories were completely altered by their allies, to prevent them from giving away too much. These suspects could then tell a completely fake story after having taken Veritaserum, simply because they themselves actually believed it to be true.</p><p> </p><p>So, no shortcuts using Veritaserum, which means that right after the First Wizarding War there’s a lot of work to do, and Emmeline is here to do it.</p><p>So far, she has defended a man who was accused of passing on information to the Death Eaters, while he was actually giving them false information to lead them away from his daughter’s and her muggle husband’s hiding place, she has taken a case of a mother whose son was well on his way towards becoming a professional Quidditch player, but got kicked off the team because his father had been a You Know Who-supporter, while the boy himself had done no wrong, and a case of a man whose neighbour had confiscated a large part of his land, knowing the man couldn’t do anything about it, as the neighbour was a pureblood, while the man was muggle-born.</p><p>Even if it were small things like this, it made Emmeline happy people could complain about these small injustices again, and she could help them have their voices heard.</p><p> </p><p>Many people don’t understand, however, that Emmeline Vance, being an Order member and having lost so many people in the war, would agree to defend Death Eaters. However, the world just isn’t that black and white.</p><p>Some of these men and women, well, children practically, barely eighteen years old, have been brainwashed by their pureblood families for as long as they can remember. Should they not be held accountable for their actions? Of course they should, but not without any chance of redeeming themselves ever again.</p><p>Other people might have been acting out of fear for the safety of their family. Is it courageous to put other families in danger to protect your own? Definitely not, but it is, to a certain extent, understandable.</p><p> </p><p>Then here are the despicable ones. The ones who excel in arrogance and cruelty, who think themselves superior to everyone else, who treat torture and murder like it’s a game, the LesStranges, Dolohovs and Blacks. Should they be sent to Azkaban for the rest of their lives? Absolutely. But should they be sent to Azkaban without any form of a trial? No, not even them.</p><p>As an attorney, you don’t decide if someone is guilty or not. You just help someone present their side of the story, if possible, with proof. It’s the judge who decides their fate. If the evidence is strong enough, they’ll be prosecuted regardless, and if it’s not, they shouldn’t be convicted anyway.</p><p>Also, a trial is not just for the suspect’s benefit, but also for the victims and the bereaved families, to get a better understanding of what happened to them or their loved ones and why.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Emmeline is sitting at her desk, with her boss the only other person in the office, an older wizard with a lot of experience, but also heading towards retirement, set in his ways and easily stressed out under the weight of all that’s been going on. Emmeline is trying to concentrate on a file about a wizard who committed some gruesome crimes, but claims he was under the influence of the Imperius Curse, though his only evidence is a statement from his mother that he ‘was acting a little off’.</p><p>Emmeline nervously tabs with her quill on the parchment. She scraps her throat. “So,” she says, trying to sound as casual as she can muster. “Have you decided who will be representing Black?”</p><p>"Black?” Her boss, Mr. Hainsworth, asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” Emmeline says, not taking her eyes of the file she has been pretending to read for the past half an hour. “Who will be taking his case?”</p><p>"Case?” Mr. Hainsworth asks again, distracted.</p><p>Emmeline looks up, a little irritated. “Yes, the trial should be coming up soon, right?”</p><p>"Trial?”</p><p>Now Emmeline is seriously annoyed. She isn’t speaking bloody Parseltongue now, is she? “I was wondering how our office is going to handle the Black trial, as I haven’t heard anything about it.”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth makes a dismissive gesture. “There won’t be a trial. The case is clear-cut. Just waiting till the dementors give us the go to ship him to Azkaban.”</p><p>"Ah,” Emmeline says. “So you’ve got a confession?”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth shrugs. “Not exactly. But it’s not like he denies it either.”</p><p>Emmeline raises her eyebrows. “Not denying it is not the same as obtaining a written statement, which we’re obligated to add to his file. Isn’t it part of our job to get answers?How did he do it? Who was he working with? What were his motives?”</p><p>A picture of Black broadly grinning at James as he holds his godson in his arms for the first time flashes through her mind. <em>Was any of it ever real?</em> She doesn’t speak that last question out loud.</p><p>“Vance, he was caught red-handed, laughing on the crime scene. He’s a traitor and a mass murderer and that’s the only answer we need.”</p><p>"But what about the victims’ family and friends? They deserve to get as much information as possible on how their loved ones died.”</p><p>“Those muggles were obliviated and must find peace with knowing their loved ones died in a gas leak explosion. Mrs. Pettigrew has expressed no interest in anything her son’s murderer has to say. She just wants the man locked away and to be left alone.”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth raises his head and gives Emmeline a pointed look. “Or maybe you’re talking about yourself? Getting too personally involved?”</p><p>“I’m not personally involved. It’s not just me, there’s also Remus Lupin...”</p><p>"Remus Lupin? The werewolf who was all chummy with that murderer?”</p><p>Emmeline glares at him. And she <em>knows</em> that she’s just a rookie and he’s her more experienced supervisor, and she shouldn’t be giving him this attitude, but bloody hell, she’s no ordinary twenty-two-year-old. She has personally killed four Death Eaters, and she’ll be damned if she’s now going to be intimidated by some old man with ink stains on his robes. “No, Remus Lupin, the war hero who relentlessly fought Death Eaters and saved many lives.”</p><p>"Well, I’m not going to waste time and resources only so Mr. Lupin can figure out why he has bad taste in men.”</p><p>Emmeline grits her teeth and tries to take a calming breath. “And what about Harry?”</p><p>"Harry Potter is an infant. He’s not going to sleep any better at night knowing we got a statement from Black.”</p><p>"Well, he won’t be an infant forever now, will he? He’s going to grow up and he’ll want to know what exactly happened to his parents. Don’t we owe it to him to collect all the information we can?”</p><p>"You know what, Vance? Fine! If you want an official statement from Black, be my guest. You do it.”</p><p>Emmeline blinks at him. “Me? Didn’t you just accuse me of being too personally involved?”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth gives her a triumphant smile. “Didn’t you just deny that?”</p><p>Emmeline flushes. She realises that either she accepts and does it herself, or Black will go to Azkaban without giving any answers. She just needs to get over her personal grudge and be a bloody professional. “Fine. As you wish. I’ll talk to Black.”</p><p> </p><p><br/>
“Door’s open!”</p><p>"Really, Lupin? ‘Door’s open’?”Emmeline calls, as she pushes against the door and carries the plastic take-out containers inside.</p><p>"At the Order we had to say eight passwords backwards, answer twenty-three questions correct and perform a secret handshake before we were even allowed to approach a door, and now you’ve gone to ‘door’s open’? You know there are still plenty of Death Eaters walking free who’d love to see your head on a plate, right?”</p><p>Emmeline drops the containers on the counter of the kitchen unit in Remus's cramped flat, and turns around to face the man. “I’d almost think you don’t care about your well-being,” she adds sarcastically.</p><p>These last few weeks, Remus has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t. He looks thin with large bags under his eyes, and the only reason he hasn’t starved is because Emmeline drops by most evenings with either take-out food or groceries.</p><p> </p><p>Emmeline and Remus have known each other for a long time, were always friendly, but never particularly close. Emmeline befriended Marlene, Mary and Lily in her first year of Hogwarts, and they stayed close friends throughout, Dorcas joining them in fifth year when she and Marlene started dating. In sixth year, Marlene befriended Black, as they shared a common love for skipping class, and in seventh year, the unthinkable happened and Lily started dating James. Though ‘the marauders’, as everyone at school used to call the boys, stayed a close-knit group, since then their groups started to mix more often.</p><p>The first tragedy struck when they had barely graduated Hogwarts. Mary, sweet and shy Mary McDonald, who had always been an easy target for the wannabe-Death Eaters at school due to her muggle-parentage and timid nature, was murdered.</p><p>It had been a swift and cruel reminder that they weren’t at school anymore, where teachers could protect them when someone was being mean. They had to face reality, and reality was cold and merciless, and would only proof to be so more and more.</p><p>They all became Order members after that, with Frank and Alice joining their group as well. From that moment on, they faced so many dangerous situations together, constantly putting their lives in each other's hands, so naturally, they all became very close. At least, that’s what it seemed like.</p><p> </p><p>Remus’s face shows little expression. Then again, it rarely does these days. He has put on this mask of stoic indifference, that makes it hard to believe the boy that could literally beam with happiness over something as simple as a new book is still hidden under that mask somewhere. Remus’s robes look more shabby than usual, his hair is starting to get slightly too long and he hasn’t shaved in a while.</p><p>"Didn’t you have that job interview today?” Emmeline asks.</p><p>Remus shrugs. “They sent an owl to cancel this morning. Guess they found me in the register.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Remus.”</p><p>“It’s okay.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.</p><p>“No, it’s really not.” Remus gives her a small smile. “But what can you do? Anyway, let's not talk about my depressing day of sitting at home. How were things at work?”</p><p>“Eventful,” Emmeline says without thinking. “I mean, not more eventful than other days. It’s always eventful of course, with new cases and trials. It was just regularly eventful. A perfectly average amount of eventfulness.”</p><p>Remus stares at her suspiciously. “Emmeline, what happened?”</p><p>Emmeline really shouldn’t say anything, really shouldn’t do that to Remus. But she has always been terrible at hiding things, and it’s already eating her up. When she used to accompany other Order members on a secret mission, they never told her what the purpose of that mission was, as she was notably bad at keeping secrets. And a slightly selfish reason, she needs to talk about it with someone, and she hasn’t got anyone else.</p><p>Emmeline takes a deep breath. “I got assigned the task today of taking Black’s statement.”</p><p>She studies Remus’s face carefully. His eyes widen for a moment and he stays silent longer than necessary, but his emotionless mask stays in place. “That seems rather... harsh. To give you, of all people, that job.”</p><p>Emmeline shrugs. “I guess I volunteered? Kind of, I think. It was either I did it, or no one would. You know how I feel about undermining the legal system! I cannot abandon my principles because of a personal grudge.”</p><p>Remus stares at her intently for a long time. Emmeline shifts uncomfortably under his gaze.</p><p>“You’re looking for answers,” he says, when he finally breaks the silence.</p><p>“What if I was?” Emmeline asks, slightly defensive. “Would that be so bad?”</p><p>“Not bad,” Remus says slowly. “Misguided perhaps. You want an explanation. You’re looking for a reason for what happened, a way for it to somehow make sense. But there cannot be an explanation for what he did, no reason. Some things just don’t make sense, and never will.”</p><p>“Are you really not even a little curious?” It’s an awful question to ask, and Emmeline immediately feels guilty.</p><p>Remus looks away. “I’ve spent years trying to figure out Sirius Black’s thoughts and feelings, and apparently I’ve been completely wrong for all of them. Honestly, I’m just done.”</p><p> </p><p>Emmeline understands. Maybe not how Remus must feel, but how hard it must have hit him. Remus and Black were incredibly close. Sure, James and Black had been like brothers, and at school you never saw one without the other, but especially in their Order days, Remus and Black were just drawn to each other. At that time, Remus had even been living with Black in his little flat in the outskirts of London. You used to say ‘SiriusandRemus’ in one breath, even more so than ‘LilyandJames’ or ‘DorcasandMarlene’.</p><p>Somehow, they just seemed to make each other better. Remus was less anxious and more carefree when Black was around, and Black was less restless and more at peace with Remus. Besides losing Lily and James and Peter, that must have hurt the most: to be so utterly and completely betrayed by someone you had thought <em>cared</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, I wish I could forget all of it,” Remus says. “Sometimes I just want to obliviate myself, erase everything about him from my memory.”</p><p>Emmeline looks at him with concern.</p><p>"But I won’t,” Remus reassures her. “I’m too afraid to lose memories of James.”</p><p>“I know it’s too soon right now,” Emmeline says softly. “But I hope one day you’ll realise it’s okay to admit you have good memories of Black. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”</p><p>“It just makes me an idiot.”</p><p>“James loved Black.”</p><p>Remus lets out a bitter laugh. “And what good did that do him?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m also doing it for Harry, you know,” Emmeline says after a heavy silence.</p><p>Remus frowns. “Why would Harry ever have anything to do with Black?”</p><p>“Harry will never get to know Lily and James, and that... sucks. It’s unfair, and it shouldn’t be true, but it is. He can only ever know them through photos, memories and stories, through us. And we can’t deny that Black will come up in those stories. He and James have seen each other, or at least talked to each other, every day since they were eleven years old. And if he learns about his parents’ deaths, and wonders why we couldn’t...”</p><p>Emmeline swallows. “Why we couldn’t protect them, Black plays an important part in that story as well. And I’m sure as hell not going to lie to Harry. Not when... Not when it’s all he’s got. It will raise questions, and now might be the only time we have to get some answers. I at least want to be able to tell him I did everything I could.”</p><p>“I... respect your motives,” Remus says. “But I think it’s pointless. You’re looking for clarity, but Sirius Black is a madman, and a madman can offer neither you, nor Harry any clarity.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Two days later, Emmeline lies flat on her back on Remus’s couch, rubbing her temples. Remus is standing at his kitchen block, his back turned to her, as he unpacks the groceries Emmeline brought over. Remus hasn’t asked at all about Emmeline taking up Black’s case. Which should be the first indication for Emmeline he doesn’t want to hear about it.</p><p>"You were right, you know,” Emmeline says anyway.</p><p>Remus doesn’t turn around and doesn’t respond. Which should be Emmeline’s second indication. Emmeline should really stop being selfish, stop talking about it and let Remus be, but she needs to get it off her chest so bad.</p><p>“It’s useless. He’s completely mad.”</p><p>“Then drop the case,” Remus replies curtly.</p><p>Emmeline sits up and sighs. “I wasn’t expecting him to open up to me and tell me all his secrets, I really wasn’t, but I had thought that he would at least own up to what he did!”</p><p>“Sure,” Remus says calmly. “He has shown his true colours, as clear as can be. Why start denying it now?”</p><p>“Merlin knows. And yet... he does. I mean not at first. When he saw me, he said I had every right to hate him, since it’s his fault Lily and James are dead. Like, okay, thanks, but I don’t need your permission to hate you? And just hearing him say Lily’s name... I couldn’t bear to talk about her just yet. I asked him about those murders first.”</p><p>“And he denied it?"</p><p>“Even worse,” Emmeline says as she leans her head in her hands. “You know what, let’s just drop it. I shouldn’t be telling you this anyway.”</p><p>Remus looks over his shoulder and glares at her. “Bit late for that now, isn’t it? Speak up.”</p><p>That’s all the encouragement Emmeline needs.</p><p>“He actually had the audacity to blame it on Peter!” Emmeline groans. “Pete! At first, I thought he was going to try and convince me Peter blew himself up, which would have been bad enough, but then he even claimed that Peter mysteriously managed to get away after blowing everything up! Leaving behind his robes and bloodied wand, like that’s even possible. You certainly can’t do that by disapparating.”</p><p>“Like I said, he’s mad,” Remus says, busying himself in the kitchen again.</p><p>“Oh, it gets worse,” Emmeline says. “You’re not going to believe the story he tried to sell on me. He actually insulted my intelligence by not bothering to come up with a better lie. He said that Peter spontaneously turned himself into a rat, of all things, and disappeared into the sewer! Like any wizard could possibly do that! Everyone knows that becoming an Animagus takes years of training and is extremely difficult and highly dangerous, and therefore strictly monitored by the Ministry. And now I’m supposed to believe that <em>Peter</em>, our Peter, would be capable of turning himself into a rat, just like that? How dumb does he think I am? I mean- Remus? Are you alright?”</p><p>Remus still has his back turned to Emmeline, but he’s gone completely still, his shoulders tense. “I’m actually not... feeling so good.”</p><p>His voice sounds off.</p><p>Guilt washes over Emmeline as she gets up from the couch and walks over to where Remus is standing. “Is it because of what I said? Merlin, I’m so sorry, Remus! I should really learn to keep my mouth shut for a change.”</p><p>“No, really, it’s just a headache. I should probably lie down for a bit. Maybe it’s best for you to leave.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I can stay and make you some-”</p><p>“I really just want to be alone, Emmeline!”</p><p>After assuring Remus three times to ‘just contact me whenever you need anything’, Emmeline is out on the street. If she can’t keep her mouth shut to Remus, she should really drop the case, Emmeline thinks as she walks home through the night. Dealing with her own pent-up anger and frustration is one thing, but she sure as hell isn’t going to let Sirius Black hurt Remus Lupin any further.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Confirmation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emmeline slowly approaches the door, nightgown thrown over her pyjama’s, wand ready and all her senses on high alert, Order training kicking in. It’s 2 am and there’s knocking on her door, loud and persistent. “Who’s there?” She demands.</p>
<p>“It’s Remus.”</p>
<p>“What’s your heart’s biggest desire?”</p>
<p>“Thick woollen socks,” Remus says, repeating their old Order verification.</p>
<p>Emmeline opens the door. Remus immediately walks past her into the apartment.</p>
<p>“Merlin, Remus! You scared the living shite out of me! Do you have any idea what time it is? Why are you even here?”</p>
<p>“Peterwasananimagus.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Remus takes a deep breath. “Peter was an Animagus. They all were. Peter, James and Si- Black.”</p>
<p>“But how... Are... Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Definitely. They managed in school. For me, to keep me company during my transformations. I’ve seen Peter turn into a rat with my own eyes, many times.”</p>
<p>“Okay...” Emmeline runs her hand over her face, trying to comprehend this information at 2 am in her nightgown. “That’s... Okay. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. I guess I understand better why he chose that lie, then. And we need to inform the officials. Dementors are less sensitive to animals. It could be a security breach. Maybe extra protective measures will be needed...”</p>
<p>Emmeline stops talking when she sees Remus’s face. The first cracks have appeared in his mask of indifference. His facial expression can only be described as utterly lost.</p>
<p>“Oh, Rem... You don’t think this changes anything do you? I mean, there’s still so much evidence. All those witnesses who saw Black with his wand drawn, heard Peter what yelled at him... Peter never even had the chance to take out his wand! Even in the best-case scenario,” or worst-case scenario, because what would that say about Peter? “and Black didn’t commit those murders, he still betrayed Lily and James. He was the Secret-Keeper, he told you so himself, and Dumbledore said how James insisted on choosing Black. His betrayal is the only possible explanation, and for that alone he deserves to rot in Azkaban for the rest of his life.” Bitterness seeps through in her voice.</p>
<p>“I know. I know all of that. I just want... confirmation.”</p>
<p>Emmeline frowns at him. “How do you mean...?”</p>
<p>Remus opens his hand and Emmeline stares at the small flask containing clear liquid that could have easily been mistaken for water, did Emmeline not immediately understand Remus’s intention.</p>
<p>“No, Remus, I can’t.”</p>
<p>“It won’t be for any legal purpose! Just personal, and we have a right to know. Nobody will care, they don’t care as long as they can ship Black off to Azkaban in the end.”</p>
<p>Emmeline takes a step closer to Remus and takes his hand to close his fist around the little flask again. “You’re just going to hurt yourself again, Remus.”</p>
<p>Remus lets out a bitter laugh. “Thank you for your concern, Emmeline, but let me reassure you, it can’t possibly get any worse than it already is.”</p>
<p>Emmeline keeps looking at him doubtful.</p>
<p>“Look,” Remus takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair. “I know it was all an illusion, and I know I should just let go, and ninety-five percent of me wants to, but this five percent still holds on to... something. And I rather deal with the certainty that the man I loved never existed than having to live with that speck of doubt for the rest of my life. I need-” Remus’s voice breaks and he takes a shaky breath. “I need to hate him.” Tears form at the corners of his eyes. “Please... Just let me hate him.”</p>
<p>Emmeline stares at him, and then sighs. “Alright, but you’re coming with me.”</p>
<p>Remus pales for a moment, and then nods wordlessly. Emmeline knows it’s an awful thing to ask, but if Remus says he needs to hear it, then he’s going to hear it out of the mouth of the man himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The layers of emotion beneath Remus’s mask of indifference really shows how deep his bond with Black must have run. It takes Emmeline back to an early spring day that seems a lifetime ago, but it can’t have been more than some months.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll bet you ten galleons!” Lily laughs, as she sits across from Emmeline on the Potter’s small garden terrace. It’s the first warm day of the season and they’re enjoying the last rays of sun on a Saturday afternoon.</p>
<p>“Ten galleons? I’m in!” Marlene appears at their table and flops down on one of the wooden garden chairs.</p>
<p>Lily rolls her eyes. “You don’t even know what we were talking about, Marls!”</p>
<p>“Like I would ever miss the opportunity to win ten galleons,” Marlene winks. “But alright, what are we betting on?”</p>
<p>Lily leans forward. “Sirius and Remus,” she says in a conspiratorial tone. “I was just telling Emmeline that I definitely think those two aren’t just friends, and not just friendly things are going on in that flat of theirs.”</p>
<p>Marlene gives Emmeline an incredulous look. “And you’re betting against that?”</p>
<p>“All I said was that I never noticed!” Emmeline exclaims. “You know how terrible I am with these sort of things. It took me a year to figure out you and Dorcas weren’t just very close friends!”</p>
<p>Marlene grins. “That’s true. At some point I honestly thought you were only going to find out by coming to our wedding and realizing there were no grooms.”</p>
<p>Emmeline groans at the memory of her obliviousness.</p>
<p>“But really,” Marlene waves her finger at Lily and Emmeline. “Those two are definitely shagging. The real question is, are they <em>just</em> shagging or is it more?”</p>
<p>You’re married to James,” Emmeline says to Lily. “He knows them better than anyone. Can’t he just tell you?”</p>
<p>Lily pulls up her eyebrows. “Have you met James?” ,</p>
<p>Marlene snickers. “James ‘I don’t understand why Lily keeps telling me she’s cold when she can just perform a warming charm’ Potter is probably not the most perceptive person, no.”</p>
<p>Lily looks around. “Where are Sirius and Remus anyway? Aren’t they staying for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Nah,” Marlene says. “Remus got back from his mission only a few days ago, and I just talked to Sirius. He said, and I quote, ‘we want to have a quit night on the couch with just the two of us, since we haven’t had any quality time alone in too long’.”</p>
<p>“Oh my.” Lily sits back in her chair and folds her hands behind her head. “This is going to be the easiest ten galleons I’ve ever made!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’s sitting in a chair. His arms are handcuffed behind his back and his ankles are chained to the legs of the chair. Protective spells are placed around him, making it impossible to come any closer than half a meter in his vicinity, though there isn’t much he could even do without his wand. His long, dark hair is tied in a messy bun with loose strands falling over his face, and he still has the muggle clothes on he was wearing when he got arrested.</p>
<p>He’d been wearing muggle clothes a lot. When James teased him about it, he told him to go try and ride a motorbike in flapping wizarding robes and then come talk to him. No one particularly minded seeing him in tight fitted muggle clothes anyway, as the man has always been unfairly good-looking.</p>
<p>He looks up as Emmeline enters the room, his grey eyes empty and emotionless.</p>
<p>Sirius Black.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think you’d come back. You seemed rather pissed off when you left the last time.”</p>
<p>“I’m pissed off at you by default. But I did some fact-checking on your previous claims.”</p>
<p>Black rolls his eyes. “If you looked him up in the Animagus register, I could have told you-”</p>
<p>“Actually, I went to a more direct source.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Black.” Remus steps in the room, his eyes focused somewhere on the logo on Black’s worn-out band shirt, deliberately not meeting Black’s eyes, his mask of indifference firmly in place. Emmeline understands his need to not show any emotion in front of Black.</p>
<p>Black’s face, on the other hand, is a whole different story. It’s hard to imagine his eyes were so void of emotion just a moment ago, as a variety of emotions passes over his face.</p>
<p>Disbelief. Hope. Fear. Guilt. Pain.</p>
<p>When he speak, soft and barely audible, his voice sounds so broken that it sends a shock through Emmeline’s body. She can tell Remus feels the same, as his eyes snap up to Black’s face.</p>
<p>“Remus? Please...”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Explanation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Love, but also... angst.<br/>Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!<br/>Come find me on Tumblr as Engie-Ivy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I messed up, Remus. I messed up so bad. But if only you knew the whole story-”</p><p>“You’re going to tell me the whole story,” Remus interrupts, his voice cold and bitter. “The real story.” He opens his palm to reveal the small flask of Veritaserum.</p><p>Now, Emmeline was expecting anger. Anger as Black would realise he wouldn’t be able to make up stories anymore. Anger as he saw his plans of manipulating Remus with his lies go up in smoke. Emmeline may have understood shock, that they would actually dare to force him to take the truth potion, or maybe even panic, now that his ploy is officially over.</p><p>What Emmeline did not expect, however, was the look of sheer hope on Black’s face, like he’s a dehydrated man who has been wandering the dessert for days and Remus is holding a glass of fresh, cold water.</p><p>“Yes,” he says pleading. “Yes, please...”</p><p>It completely catches Emmeline off guard, and she can tell Remus is also thrown off. He stares at Black dumbfounded and seems unsure what to do next. He fumbles with the flask, opening it and sliding it across the table towards Black.</p><p>As they can’t get near Black with the protective charms surrounding him, Emmeline doesn’t know what they would have done of he had simply refused to drink the potion, but then again, that would have said enough of itself, wouldn’t it? Now, however, Black wastes no time in bending forward, taking the flask between his lips and throwing his head back, gulping the potion down.</p><p>After Black has dropped the empty bottle back on the table, he sits motionless in his chair, his eyes closed. Remus is staring at him intently, his mouth in a hard line and his knuckles turning white where he’s gripping the edge of the table. The moment can’t have lasted more than a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Despite all her talk about only doing this for Remus, not believing anything will come of it, Emmeline feels nerves coursing through her body. There’s a heavy tension hanging in the room and the air feels thick. Emmeline can only imagine what this moment must be like for Remus.</p><p>After what seems like hours, Black slowly opens his eyes. “It wasn’t me.”</p><p> </p><p>So few words hardly more than a whisper, but their impact couldn’t have been greater if he had shouted them in their faces.</p><p>Remus’s legs threaten to give out from under him and he supports himself on the table, staring at the wood while gasping for air.</p><p>“It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me.” Black repeats the words like a mantra.</p><p>Remus lifts his head, and upon seeing the pain, hope and confusion on his face, Emmeline wants to run to him, support him and start questioning Black, but at the same time she feels like she needs to stay out of it for now, this needs to be between <em>them</em>.</p><p>“What wasn’t you?” Remus breathes. “I need to hear you say it.”</p><p>“Everything. Any of it. The murders, the betrayal. Rem, I wasn’t even the Secret-Keeper!”</p><p>“But... But...” Remus tries desperately to order his thoughts. “Peter?”</p><p>Black nods silently.</p><p>Remus shakes his head. “No, no. James insisted! He would never choose anyone but you!”</p><p>“No, he wouldn’t.” Black replies as he shifts his gaze downwards, sadness reflecting in his eyes. “Not until I convinced him to. Merlin, I thought I was so clever! A perfect way to throw them off track. Who would even consider it being anyone else?”</p><p>“But you told me it was you! Those evenings we spent talking about it...”</p><p>“I lied! I lied to you, Remus.”</p><p>Remus stares at him for a while. “You didn’t trust me.” It’s not a question.</p><p>“We knew there was a spy,” Black says, looking absolutely miserable. “We just didn’t know who.”</p><p>“And I was the logical choice,” Remus states. “I assume because I’m a dark creature?”</p><p>“Yes. It was because you’re a werewolf.” Black looks Remus straight in the eyes. “Because you have fifteen years of experience keeping secrets and hiding who you are. And you’re so damned <em>good</em> at it! Better than anyone I know. Dumbledore always chose you for the most secret missions. You were the only one amongst us no one had any idea of where they were going or what they were doing.”</p><p>“That wasn’t by choice!”</p><p>“I know, I know. Remus, you have to understand. We didn’t think you were the traitor, we just couldn’t be absolutely sure that you weren’t the traitor.”</p><p>Remus swallows and looks away. “What’s the difference?”</p><p>“The difference is that I felt with every fibre of my being that I could trust you and you would never hurt us!” Black speaks. “But at that time, I couldn’t allow myself to feel, I had to think. And logical thinking, shutting off all emotion, said that none of us could say with one hundred percent certainty that it wasn’t you. With Harry’s life at stake, we couldn’t afford to take any chances. It was best not to tell.”</p><p>Remus nods, but he’s still not meeting Black’s gaze.</p><p>“Remus, please look at me,” Black says earnest. “I need you to know this. We still would have died for you in a heartbeat, Lily, James and me. We still thought the world of you.”</p><p>“But I thought the worst of you!” Remus’s breath hitches. “I despised you, wanted to <em>hate</em> you! If I had found you that night, I would have...”</p><p>He doesn’t finish his sentence, doesn’t need to.</p><p>Black doesn’t look shocked, or even angry. He just looks immensely sad.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you have? I fucked everything up, Remus. I lied to you, I trusted the wrong people, I <em>distrusted</em> the wrong people, I convinced James to take a path that lead straight to his death. And I can’t even do the only thing James asked me to do in case the worst would happen! I can’t even take care of Harry, like I promised I would. I abandoned him in my failed attempt at revenge, another one of my numerous mistakes. I literally can’t think of a single thing I haven’t screwed up these last weeks.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus just stares at him. Only after a long silence, he speaks.</p><p>“You really are... you.”</p><p>Black just blinks at him.</p><p>“I mean, the boy who snuck out of the dorm to keep me company in the hospital wing, the boy who bribed the house elves to make my favourite chocolate cake on my birthday, the man who wanted me to stay with him when I had no place to live and never let me go, the man who once attacked five Death Eaters on his own because one of them had tried to use the Cruciatus curse on me... That person was not a facade, an act or a lie. That person was really you. You’re really that person.”</p><p>“Telling you I was the Secret-Keeper was hard for me, as it was the first and only time I ever lied to you, I promise.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus slides down in the chair across from Black. “And it’s okay, Sirius. It’s okay.”</p><p>Sirius closes his eyes for a moment. As he opens them again to look at Remus, they’re filled with relief.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “It’s just... You’re the only person who I couldn’t bear to see me as a monster.”</p><p>Remus smiles softly. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So you failed to get a confession?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Yet you made a report?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And now you want to defend his case in court?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth puts the file down and pinches the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“Vance, what did you not understand about the case being clear-cut?”</p><p>“I looked into it, and the case is purely based on unreliable witnesses and circumstantial evidence, none of which warrants such a heavy sentence.”</p><p>“So you really are going to plead not guilty?”</p><p>“I’m going to defend his story, which makes it clear that he’s not guilty.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, his story.” Mr. Hainsworth’s voice holds a slightly mocking tone. “Were you involved in coming up with that story?”</p><p>“It wasn’t about coming up with a story. He told me what happened.”</p><p>“It’s a weak story! It comes off as feigned. It won’t get you anywhere with the judges.”</p><p>Emmeline frowns. “Would you advise me to ask my client to lie because the truth sounds too surreal?”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth folds his hands under his chin. “You really want to know what my advice would be, Vance? Tell your client to confess! If you really want to act in his best interest, that’s the course of action that will get him the least severe punishment. Tell him to be open and cooperative, let him show as much guilt and remorse as he can. Throw in a few tears! Make a show of it! Add a sad little story about how his daddy never loved him, for all I care.”</p><p>Emmeline’s expression hardens. “I will not ask a client who I truly believe is innocent to give a false confession.”</p><p>“Then I hope he’s prepared for the consequences.”</p><p>“He hasn’t got much to lose.”</p><p>Mr. Hainsworth shakes his head. “You have no idea what you’ve done, have you?”</p><p>Emmeline just blinks at him.</p><p>“Look, the name ‘Black’ alone is associated with fear and hatred,” Mr. Hainsworth explains. “Many people have suffered because of that family. Their name represents exactly that pureblood snobbism and arrogance we fought so hard to defeat.”</p><p>Emmeline slightly clenches her jaw at the use of the word ‘we’. She doesn’t recall Mr. Hainsworth spending hours laying in the mud in some forest at night time hiding from a group of Death Eaters, traveling across the country by foot without any sleep to smuggle a potential target out of the country, throwing himself in a fight while being severely outnumbered, with the almost certainty that either he or at least one of his friends is not going to make it out alive, like she, Remus, and, for that matter, Sirius himself have done.</p><p>“And let's not forget the nature of his crime,” Mr. Hainsworth says, unaware of Emmeline’s reaction. “Betraying the Potters is a very sensitive issue for the wizarding community. With their bravery on the night He Who Must Not Be Named was killed, they’re considered heroes, which makes Black’s crime even more despicable.”</p><p>Emmeline clenches her jaw even further. Like she needs to be reminded of how terrible it was how Lily and James were betrayed!</p><p>“But still, the majority would have been fine just letting him rot in Azkaban,” Mr. Hainsworth continues. “However, not even showing any understanding or regret for what he has done, that was the final straw. He’s doing quite the opposite! Spreading lies and blaming other people! Little Peter Pettigrew! Little Peter Pettigrew, who received the Order of Merlin for his bravery. Little Peter Pettigrew, whose mother was on the front page of the Daily Prophet crying as they gave her her son’s medal. The Order of bloody Merlin! And now Black is trying to shame him posthumously? That’s really rubbing people up the wrong way.”</p><p>Emmeline is starting to get a very bad feeling. “So...?”</p><p>“So,” Mr. Hainsworth replies. “The opposition changed their charge. They are now demanding that Black shall be given the Dementor’s Kiss.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It is, ultimately, your decision.”</p><p>Sirius stares down at the table. All the colour has drained from his face and he’s slightly trembling.</p><p>Emmeline wishes she could reach out and comfort him. But at the same time she knows she doesn’t have much comfort to offer.</p><p>Remus is hiding his fear underneath a layer of anger. He’s pacing the room with a grim face.</p><p>“This is blackmail! Forcing him into a confession by threatening with a worse punishment? That’s no fair jurisdiction!”</p><p>Remus drops down on the chair across from Sirius, his hand moving forward, but retreating again as he remembers the protective barrier.</p><p>“You don’t have to do anything. We can fight this! They can’t proof a crime you never committed.”</p><p>Emmeline meets Sirius’s eyes. She knows they’re thinking the same thing. Only a few days ago, Remus himself had been convinced of Sirius’s guilt.</p><p>Sirius shakes his head. “They can’t expect me to stand there, swear to tell the truth, and then say I deliberately tried to have Harry killed? That would destroy me. But I have to be honest with you, Rem. I...” Sirius has to look away from Remus for a moment.</p><p>“I’m scared. Losing my soul, becoming an empty shell... I’m so fucking <em>scared</em>. But taking the blame for betraying James? I don’t want my soul sucked out of my body, but I don’t want my heart ripped out of my chest either.”</p><p>“But we do have a chance,” Remus whispers. “You can take that chance.”</p><p>“I will,” Sirius says. “But I need you to promise me one thing, Remus. If they convict me-”</p><p>“You don’t know-”</p><p>“But <em>if</em> they do, if they decide to perform the Dementor’s Kiss, I need you to end it before they have the chance.”</p><p>Remus stares at him in absolute silence for a moment. “Are you asking me to kill you?”</p><p>Sirius smiles softly at him with damp eyes, as he slowly shakes his head. “No. I’m asking you to save me from a fate worse than death.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Retaliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It felt kind of weird writing the beginning of this chapter, like I was actually writing an anti-werewolf essay. So this chapter contains prejudice against werewolves.<br/>Thank you for reading, feedback is highly appreciated, and come find me on Tumblr as Engie-Ivy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>The impertinence of Death Eaters and dark creatures, and how the Ministry is failing to act</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By our reporter<br/>The Daily Prophet<br/>London, November 28, 1981</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>On this day exact, it is a month ago that the darkest wizard of all time was defeated for once and for all. It is also a month ago since His most loyal follower, the notorious Sirius Black, was arrested on the scene of his gruesome crime. The expectation being, of course, that the Ministry would strive towards a swift service of justice, and that the mass murderer, and not to forget traitor who played the Potters into the hands of He Who Must Not Be Named, would quickly be locked away in Azkaban prison.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>However, the Ministry has now come with a statement in which they say that the case of Sirius Black shall be severely delayed, as he will be opposing his sentence in front of the Wizengamot. Black, who was caught laughing amongst the mutilated bodies of his victims with his wand in hand, is now denying any involvement. According to Black, he would have been framed by the young wizard Peter Pettigrew, who lost his life trying to stop Black from getting away and was posthumously awarded the Order of Merlin. We reached out to an emotional Mrs. Pettigrew, who, in the aftermath of her son’s murder, shared with us that ‘the Ministry giving Black ample opportunity to spread these lies feels like a slap in the face’, and every day this case is dragged out is another day for her living in hell.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It is also important to take note of the fact that this travesty takes place at the same time in which a shop-owner from Bristol was arrested for selling herbs that could potentially serve as compound for various types of poison to Death Eaters, a young witch from Glasgow was arrested for hiding her brother at her home while Aurors had been looking for him, and an elderly wizard from Sussex was arrested for letting a group of Death Eaters into his apartment building where they proceeded to remove a muggle-born witch from her home. In a time in which the Ministry is desperately trying to assert its dominance and it seems like anyone can be arrested for anything, the officials seem to turn a blind eye when it comes to Black.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Even worse, while members of our community are afraid to get arrested for having been within a 10 feet radius of a Death Eater over the last six months, it seems as though Black’s most avid supporter, R.J. Lupin, can do just as he pleases. Notable about this situation is that Lupin is not only openly supporting a man widely believed to be a mass murderer, he is also a registered lycanthrope. It is a well-known fact that lycanthropes, and dark creatures alike, have been sympathetic towards He Who Must Not Be Named’s cause, and many have even aided Him in his seizure of power, or, at the very least, used His reign as an excuse to cause terror and inflict violence on innocent witches and wizards.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>So, Lupin’s affiliation with You Know Who’s most loyal follower comes as no surprise, but what does come as a surprise is the lack of response on behalf of the Ministry. We reached out for comment to Dolores Jane Umbridge, a witch working as a Ministry official and a strong advocate of more restrictive anti-werewolf legislation. “Those infected with this disgusting affliction are a lost cause,” she declared. “During their monthly transformations, their only goal is to cause death and destruction and make as much human victims as possible. It is unthinkable that one could carry an infection making them such a monster without it affecting their entire being. Therefore, even in their human form, these foul creatures are vile and ruthless. As the highly esteemed Prof. Emerett Picardy already stated in his advanced work on lycanthropes [Lupine Lawlessness: Why Lycanthropes Don’t Deserve to Live, ed.], they suffer from a permanent loss of morality, which was once again proven by their massive support for the Dark Lord. If we, as the Ministry, want to keep our credibility in the aftermath of this war, we cannot allow a lycanthrope to publicly defy us without any repercussions.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Based on Ms. Umbridge’s statement, having a lycanthrope move freely amongst the rest of us without any restrictions, could be considered a major negligence, but in this case the lycanthrope in question has even shown the audacity, arrogance and disrespect to oppose the authority, despite his status as high-risk dark creature. He gives the impression to feel untouchable, despite the crimes committed by his kind during the war, which could potentially set a dangerous precedent in our society.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>We can only hope that the Ministry will realise, when they prosecute Black for murder and treason, they will also have to sentence the lycanthrope, who has been closely affiliated with Black and felt impertinent enough to publicly oppose them, if they don’t want to lose face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Time will, hopefully soon, tell.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a flick of her wand, the newspaper turns to ashes that whirl down to the floor in front of Emmeline. She looks up at Remus, who is leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms folded over his chest, looking down at his feet.</p>
<p>“Rem...”</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell him.”</p>
<p>“How do you...”</p>
<p>“He’ll worry. And he already has so much to worry about.”</p>
<p>“Remus, I am so, so sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.”</p>
<p>“Would you stop saying that? It's not fine! None of this is even remotely fine!”</p>
<p>“But it is, though, isn’t it? He’s a reporter, he can write whatever he wants, especially if a large group of people obviously feels the same.”</p>
<p>Emmeline walks over to Remus and hugs him tightly. “I won’t let them put you in Azkaban. I won’t. I simply won’t allow it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But of course he finds out. Emmeline wouldn’t be surprised if one of the guards gave him the newspaper on purpose, to taunt him with the offending article. The conversation that ensues is a conversation Sirius and Remus really should be having in private, but as his attorney, Emmeline is the only one allowed to access Sirius Black in prison, and luckily, she can bring Remus, but he cannot visit Sirius without her being present. Unfortunately, this makes Emmeline an unwilling fly on the wall during their open-hearted talk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Drop the case.” Somehow, the expression on Sirius’s face is stern and pleading at the same time.</p>
<p>“No,” Remus says, unrelenting.</p>
<p>“Drop the case!”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>“Drop the case, retract your statements, and lie low for a while. Let them fully focus on me again, and hopefully they’ll forget about your involvement and let you be.”</p>
<p>“I’m not retracting anything. I said I’d defend you, and I will.”</p>
<p>“And who’s going to defend <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t do anything wrong!”</p>
<p>“Neither did I! That’s not stopping them!”</p>
<p>“Then that’s a risk I have to take.”</p>
<p>“I could make a deal,” Sirius mutters frantically, hardly listening to what Remus is saying. “Let them do with me what they want, give them the information they want, and in return they must promise not to charge you with anything...”</p>
<p>“You don’t <em>have</em> any information. You were never actually a Death Eater, remember?”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll make something up!”</p>
<p>“Sirius, you can’t <em>do</em> that.”</p>
<p>“Then be smart and distance yourself from me!”</p>
<p>Remus glares at him. “You really think I’d be capable of that? You really think I could turn around, walk away and abandon you? First you thought I was a traitor and now this? When did you start thinking so little of me?”</p>
<p>Sirius flinches, but only for a moment, then he regains his composure. “It’s not about that and you know it,” he hisses. “They want to put you in <em>Azkaban</em>, Remus. And if I can prevent that, I will, no matter the costs.”</p>
<p>“That’s not your decision to make! Damn you, Sirius! It’s <em>my</em> choice! If I want to fight this battle <em>with you</em>, why don’t you just let me?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m a hopeless case!” Sirius shouts.</p>
<p>Remus closes his eyes for a few seconds and slowly breathes out. The room goes silent for a moment.</p>
<p>“None of us is saying it, but we all know it,” Sirius says, a lot softer. “It’s like we’re screaming at the top of our lungs, but nobody’s listening, nobody wants to hear it. They’ve made up their minds, I’m already condemned. But you, Moony, you have a <em>life</em> to live.”</p>
<p>“I’m not ready to give up yet.”</p>
<p>“And I’m not ready to have someone I care about lose everything because of my stupidity.” A tormented expression flashes across Sirius’s face. “Not again.”</p>
<p>Remus leans over the table, coming as close to Sirius as he possibly can. “If they take you away from me, I’ll also lose everything.”</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes slightly widen. “Re...”</p>
<p>“I’d rather be dragged to Azkaban fighting for you, then to stand idly by and watch them hurt you.”</p>
<p>The moment in which Sirius’s resistance breaks is clearly visible, and his defiant look fades away, his gaze suddenly vulnerable.</p>
<p>“I love you, Re.”</p>
<p>“I love you too, Siri.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>‘I guess I owe you ten galleons, Lils,’</em> Emmeline thinks and she scrapes her throat, causing both men to slightly jump and look up at her.</p>
<p>“Before you two start planning your romantic getaway to Azkaban, can we at least still <em>try</em> to win this case?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Confrontation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The last chapter!<br/>Thank you to everyone who was willing to read through the entire thing! I hope it was worth your time.<br/>Especially now the story is finished, I of course love to know what you think, so comments are greatly appreciated!<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The good news is that for a few days after, the papers shift their focus away from Sirius and Remus. The bad news is that what has caught the attention of every news outlet in the country is the Dolohov Deal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Antonin Dolohov. One of You Know Who’s most important followers. He was actually caught and detained already a few days prior his master’s downfall. No Order member will ever forget the cold eyes on his pale, twisted face. There are many accounts of the atrocities committed by this man. He did not use violence as means to an end, but because he actually enjoyed watching people suffer. He took a sadistic pleasure out of torturing muggles, muggle-borns, or just everyone who did not actively supported his lord.</p>
<p>Dolohov is one of the earliest followers of He Who Must Not Be Named, already being affiliated with him when... well, when he could still be named. Besides that, he’s also one of his most trusted followers. If one Death Eater would know the ins and outs of You Know Who’s network, it would be Dolohov. Any names and information he could give, could be of utmost importance, but of course, it doesn’t come cheap. The controversial Dolohov Deal entails that he practically walks free if he’s willing to talk.</p>
<p>It leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of many people. Fighting for so long against everything Dolohov stands for, only to see him get away with it? Not to mention what it must do to the bereaved families.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“ ‘<em>Minister Bagnold and Head of Magical Law Enforcement Crouch close Dolohov Deal as ingenious way into He Who Must Not Be Named close circle</em>’,” Emmeline reads out loud. “Well, you gotta hand it to them, that’s a nice way to phrase ‘we have no fucking idea what we’re doing, so we had to ask the worst person you can imagine for help’.”</p>
<p>Emmeline throws the Daily Prophet on the coffee table and flops down on the couch next to Remus.</p>
<p>“Fabian and Gideon deserved better.”</p>
<p>The Prewett brothers never stood a chance. Severely outnumbered, they had fought with everything they had in them anyway. Fought for their lives, their ideals, and each other. They took down many Death Eaters before they were eventually killed themselves. The murder had been brutal, and this man, this Dolohov, had been responsible.</p>
<p>“And yet Dolohov will probably walk free before you know it,” Remus interjects, as if hearing Emmeline’s thoughts. “While Sirius will spend the rest of his live in Azkaban. If we’re lucky enough to avoid The Kiss, that is.”</p>
<p>“Luck hasn’t really been our strong suit so far. Things have gone from really bad, to very terrible, to absolutely horrendous.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus makes a noise in agreement as he rests his head back against the back of the couch and closes his eyes. The full moon was just a few days ago, and it was quite bad. Having to go through it on his own lead to quite a bit of self-harm. Being bedridden for a couple of days had been hard for him, plagued by the thought of Sirius imprisoned all alone. Which was understandable, as each time Remus left, Sirius seemed to be scared he’d change his mind and wouldn’t come back, so Remus felt terrible about not coming to see him for several days. Sirius, on his turn, felt terrible about not being able to be there for Remus during his transformation, and Remus not showing up for days made him incredibly scared for his well-being. Emmeline was stuck between Remus worried sick about Sirius and Sirius worried sick about Remus, and it was quite infuriating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Emmeline says. “If the Prewett brothers kept fighting till the very end while all hope was lost, so can we.”</p>
<p>Remus opens one eye to look at her. “I don’t know if I like that comparison, considering how things ended for them.”</p>
<p>Emmeline smiles. “Come on, Remus. If we’re gonna go down, at least we’re gonna go down fighting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things start to change when Dolohov starts talking.</p>
<p>He knows he needs to give them something good for the Ministry to let him walk.</p>
<p>So he starts spilling names.</p>
<p>And how. Names of people everyone thought were on the wrong side, that Dolohov revealed were actually under the Imperius curse. Names of people no one had suspected, who had actually been aligned with You Know Who the whole time. And it all checks out.</p>
<p>Some cases that had already been investigated, but Dolohov couldn’t possibly have heard about, were exactly as he said. Also, cases for which an investigation has started so far all confirm his allegations. The Daily Prophet prints the Dolohov Deal-Names on the front page, and witches and wizards all eagerly await the new revelations every day, hoping for shocking scandals and excitement.</p>
<p>Then Dolohov drops the name of Peter Pettigrew as a spy for You Know Who. Not Sirius Black. Peter Pettigrew.</p>
<p>Mind you, Dolohov was already locked up in a secluded cell when Sirius and Pettigrew had their confrontation, and when Sirius’s accusations against Pettigrew became public. There is no way he could have known another, similar, accusation had been made against Pettigrew, yet this is the name he drops.</p>
<p>Of course it isn’t enough. Many are quick to point out that Dolohov and Black must have been closely connected to each other, both being highly ranked allies of You Know Who, and probably discussed this scenario together and agreed to come up with this story.</p>
<p>But it’s a start. It’s a step in the right direction, and Merlin, that’s more than they’ve had in a long time.</p>
<p>Nobody quite believes Sirius could be innocent, but after the second Pettigrew name drop and taking into consideration all of Dolohov’s accounts were verified so far, there are some who feel slightly uncomfortable sentencing Sirius to such an unforgiving fate and who want more proof.</p>
<p>So finally, <em>finally</em>, an investigation is started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first thing they do, is call Remus to court to give an official statement, that yes, Pettigrew is indeed an unregistered animagus, and yes, he can indeed turn into a rat that would theoretically be small enough to disappear into the sewer. Of course, it does nothing to convince the ones who see Remus as an inferior creature, only looking to bring down the wizarding community, and using his murderous mate Black to do it. But there are also those who know Remus, who know him as a kind and intelligent man, and who attach value to his word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Next come the wands. Sirius’s wand is, of course, confiscated by the Ministry upon his arrest. Pettigrew’s wand was found among his bloodied robes. With some complicated spell work, the Aurors of the Ministry manage to determine what the last spell was each wand produced.</p>
<p>The last spell Sirius produced was a warming charm he casted over Harry while standing outside the ruins of his family home in Godric’s Hollow. And isn’t that just heartbreaking in itself? The contrast between the thoughtful, caring gesture and the cruel reality of the moment touches people at their core.</p>
<p>Peter last casted <em>confringo</em>, the Blasting Curse. Emmeline of course knew he did, but still, hearing it be confirmed and to think of him, standing there, wand behind his back and sending twelve people to their deaths, all the while framing someone he once called a friend...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Ministry then considers it justified to take more drastic measures. They request Mrs. Pettigrew to return her son’s finger, that had been given to her together with the Order of Merlin. Emmeline’s heart goes out to the poor woman. A specialized coroner investigates the body part, and concludes that it was definitely not ripped of in any kind of blast, but must have been cut. Moreover, the direction of the cut seems to indicate that the cut was made by the owner of said finger himself.</p>
<p>Yes, things have definitely start to change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Try not to act like the arrogant prat you were in school, and it should be fine,” Emmeline had jokingly told Sirius. But now, magically bound to a chair in the centre of the Ministry of Magic’s dungeon, the entire Council of Magical Law wearing their plum-coloured robes embroiled with a silver ‘W’ sitting to his right, Sirius barely looks like a shadow of the boy he was at Hogwarts. Emmeline recognizes Albus Dumbledore and Bartholomeus Crouch senior himself, as the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, in between the members of the Wizengamot. With a shiver, Emmeline sees a group of dementors waiting a bit to the side, hungry for a new soul. She can only hope with everything she has that they’ll be disappointed.</p>
<p>Today will be the day. After the accumulating evidence supporting Sirius’s story, and not to mention the media attention the case has been receiving after Dolohov dropped Pettigrew’s name, plus the switch in public opinion it caused, the Wizengamot has decided to question Sirius, and let their fifty-headed jury form their final verdict.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emmeline does her best to calm her nerves, and be strong for both Sirius and Remus, for whom this moment is even more charged, but the truth is that she feels like throwing up. Today could end with either Sirius walking out with her and Remus, or... Emmeline can’t even finish the thought.</p>
<p>Sirius sits straight in his chair, his head held high, but at the same time he looks thin and pale, and somehow fragile, his eyes showing sadness and a hint of fear that he doesn’t quite manage to conceal. A young witch wearing one of the plum-coloured robes walks up to him.</p>
<p>“Is that Edgar’s sister?” Remus whispers.<br/>Emmeline nods, as the witch standing in front of Sirius is indeed Amelia Susan Bones, from the great and highly respected Bones family. Both her parents and her brother Edgar, his wife and children were killed by Death Eaters during the war. Sirius, Remus and Emmeline had known Edgar quite well, as he was a member of the Order and one of the greatest wizards they’d ever met.</p>
<p>“Amelia Bones is a rising star within the Department of Magical Law Enforcement,” Emmeline whispers back. “She might be young, but she’s already rumoured to become the next head of the Department. She knows what she’s doing.”</p>
<p>“And is that good or bad for us?”</p>
<p>“She can ask the right questions, but we know Sirius has the right answers.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are Sirius Orion Black?” Amelia’s voice echoes through the large space. “Aged 22, born November third, 1959, London?”</p>
<p>“Correct,” Sirius replies, managing to keep his voice steady.</p>
<p>Amelia scribbles something on the parchment she had been reading from and puts it away, before turning to Sirius again.</p>
<p>“You met Mr. Potter in 1971?”</p>
<p>“Correct.”</p>
<p>“You had a close relation to Mr. Potter ever since?”</p>
<p>“Correct.”</p>
<p>“Could you describe the nature of your relation to Mr. Potter?”</p>
<p>“He’s... was my best friend. Has been from the day we met on the Hogwarts express ten years ago. He has been there for me through everything. He was... my real family.”</p>
<p>“Did you trust Mr. Potter?”</p>
<p>“Of course I did.”</p>
<p>“Did Mr. Potter trust you?”</p>
<p>Sirius swallows. “Yes. Yes, he did.”</p>
<p>“So, and correct me if I’m wrong, you would have been the most logical choice as Secret-Keeper?”</p>
<p>“I would have been, yes.”</p>
<p>“And did he, in fact, ask you to be their Secret-Keeper?”</p>
<p>“He did.”</p>
<p>“And you declined?”</p>
<p>“I did.” Sirius’s voice sounds strained.</p>
<p>Amelia folds her arms over her chest. “Was it too much trouble for you? Too great of a responsibility? Did you just not want to get involved in the matter?”</p>
<p>Sirius narrows his eyes. “I would have done anything for James!”</p>
<p>Amelia seems unfazed. “Then did you not trust yourself with their secret? Afraid you would crack if the pressure were too high?”<br/>“I would have died before betraying the Potters. I would have died.”</p>
<p>“What characterises the Fidelius Charm?” Amelia suddenly asks.</p>
<p>Sirius raises his eyebrows. “I was not aware there’d be a Charms quiz involved in this.”</p>
<p>“Humour me, Mr. Black.”</p>
<p>“It’s ancient magic, one of the oldest spells known to man. Very complicated, but very powerful. You lock a secret in one’s soul, and the secret cannot be revealed unless that person chooses to do so.”</p>
<p>“Exactly! Chooses to do so. Not forced by Veritaserum, the Imperius curse or even torture, but only voluntarily.” Amelia starts pacing the room. “Do you see how I’m confused, Mr. Black? You say Mr. Potter wanted it to be you and that you would have done anything for Mr. Potter, you say you weren’t concerned about the charm and never willingly would have given up the secret, were even prepared to die! So why, <em>why</em>, would you have refused to be the Secret-Keeper? What’s more, the one person you suggest to take the role of Secret-Keeper, just so happens to be the one person who was the traitor passing on information to He Who Must Not Be Named? It almost seems too improbable, but let me go along with your story for a moment and say you did come up with the idea to make Mr. Pettigrew the Secret-Keeper. Is it really just a coincidence that you specifically chose him?”</p>
<p>Sirius grits his teeth. “What are you implying?”</p>
<p>Amelia stops her pacing in front of Sirius. “I ask the questions, Mr. Black. But very well, let me humour you in return. Maybe you knew exactly what Mr. Pettigrew was, and making sure he became the Secret-Keeper seemed the easiest way to get You Know Who what he wanted. Betraying the Potter’s secret without getting your hands dirty.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know. I overestimated him thinking he’d be loyal to his friends, and also underestimated him thinking he was inconspicuous, easily overlooked, not someone the Death Eaters would even consider to approach.”</p>
<p>“You knew him for ten years and misjudged his character like this?”</p>
<p>“That was my stupidity. If being a fool is a criminal offense, then by all means, I plead guilty, but I swear I never intentionally tried to hurt Lily and James.”</p>
<p>“Then why? Why make such an illogical decision?”</p>
<p>“Because I wanted it to be illogical, and not what everyone would expect! I was scared, beyond scared, I was paranoid. They would expect it to be me, they would all come after me, and it wasn’t just any wizard, it was Him! Besides all the horrific things that He is, there’s no denying He’s also one of the most powerful wizards that ever lived, and He’s dived deeper into the Dark Arts than anyone ever has, can do things we can’t even imagine. If anyone would be able to break even the Fidelius Charm and tear a secret out of someone’s soul, it would be Him. I figured it would be better to not only have a Secret-Keeper, but also a Secret-Keeper no one would consider. A Secret-Keeper no one would know about.” At these last words Sirius quickly glances at Remus.</p>
<p>“And the others immediately agreed?”</p>
<p>“I talked to Pettigrew first. I remember feeling... guilty. I knew Pettigrew had courage in him, but he often had more difficulty to be brave than the rest of us. I was expecting him to be scared, reluctant, but he was enthusiastic and eager to take up the role.” A harsh bitterness seeps through in his voice. “‘See?’ I thought to myself. ‘You misjudged him, and haven’t given him enough credit. He jumps on the opportunity to help his friends, he’s as much part of the family as the rest of you.’”</p>
<p>“And was James Potter immediately enthusiastic about the new plan?”</p>
<p>Sirius lets out a bitter laugh. “Lily and James were not happy with the whole thing to begin with. They hated that they had to ask their friends for such a heavy task. Lily could only bring herself to do it for her husband and her son, James could only bring himself to do it for his wife and his son. Because they didn’t just have themselves to worry about anymore. They would have done anything to protect Harry. We all would have. So no, James has never been enthusiastic about the idea.”</p>
<p>Amelia says nothing to let Sirius talk. Sirius gaze becomes distant, as if he can see it happening right in front of him again.</p>
<p>“James... He was angry, but not even because I didn’t want to be the Secret-Keeper. No, part of the plan involved that I would act as a decoy. Keep their attention on me, and keep them on my tail for as long as possible. And James was actually worried about me purposely putting myself in danger! The idiot.”</p>
<p>Sirius shakes his head in disbelieve. “He had a wife and child, the family he’d always dreamed of, and his concern was <em>my</em> life? Like it even fucking mattered at that point!”<br/>Sirius takes a shaky breath. “I had to persuade him. I honestly just wanted to protect him and then I... I actively persuaded him to sign his own death sentence.”</p>
<p>Sirius blinks and looks around the room, like he suddenly doesn’t understand what he’s doing there. “It is my fault. All of it, it’s my fault. My stupidity, my paranoia, my arrogance. I failed them. I don’t even know why I’m wasting everyone’s time. You might as well lock me up in Azkaban. No pain can be worse than this all-consuming guilt that’s suffocating me every minute of every day.”</p>
<p>Sirius closes his eyes for a moment to even out his breathing. When he continues speaking his voice sounds calmer again.</p>
<p>“We sat on his porch that night. James and I. Drank some butterbeers and took a few sips out of a bottle of firewhiskey, just like we used to do when we climbed on the roof at Hogwarts, and for a moment, it was like no time had passed. No war, no pain, no loss. Just James and I, talking, laughing, drinking, being stupid, discussing our plans for the future.”</p>
<p>Sirius’s voice becomes thick with emotion. “We made bets at what age Harry would be a better Quidditch player than his old man. James wondered if Harry would recognize him as his father in his animagus form. James told me that if Remus and I ever grew tired of our cramped flat in London, we should buy a house close to Lily and him, with a garden for Harry to play in during sleep-overs.”</p>
<p>There’s a clear lump in Sirius’s throat. “Before I left, James suddenly said he’d do it. He said he... he trusted me more than anyone and..."</p>
<p><br/>Sirius’s voice breaks, but he tries to keep talking despite the hitches in his breath.</p>
<p>“Trusted my judgment. He th-thanked me. He smiled that crooked grin of his and he thanked me. I sent him to his death, and he... thanked me. I pulled him into a hug and told him it was part of the deal when he decided to m-make me his brother.”</p>
<p>Sirius has given up on trying to keep his composure and he’s now openly crying. Emmeline lays her hand on Remus’s arm, to prevent him from getting up from his chair and disrupting the trail.</p>
<p>“James, he...” Sirius has trouble forming words. “He said knowing we were all fighting this battle together made him less scared about everything, a-and he was sure we were going to make it through. That... that’s the last time I ever s-spoke to him.”</p>
<p>Sirius tries to control his erratic breathing while tears stream down his face. Emmeline gets up and looks at the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. “Permission to approach my client, your honour?”</p>
<p>“I have no further questions,” Amelia quickly says.</p>
<p>The Chief Warlock nods. Emmeline doesn’t walk forward herself, but looks at Remus. That’s all Remus needs. He launches forward towards Sirius, and for the first time in a much too long time wraps his arms around him while Sirius hides his face in his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emmeline halts as she steps outside the Ministry to watch the scene in front of her. Sirius and Remus are standing close together, Sirius leaning back against Remus, Remus’s arm protectively wrapped around his waist. Sirius has his eyes closed and his face slightly tilted up, absorbing the warmth of the sun.</p>
<p>“Mr. Black?”</p>
<p>Sirius opens his eyes and turns to Amelia, who is now standing in front of them.</p>
<p>“I just wanted to congratulate you on your victory. And... I wanted to apologise if I was hard on you. In my experience it is mostly the fastest way to the truth.”</p>
<p>Sirius offers her his hand. “No need to apologise, Ms. Bones. You were doing your job, and it worked out for the best.”</p>
<p>Amelia shakes his hand and smiles. “I wish you all the best in the future, Mr. Black.” She nods at Remus. “Mr. Lupin.”</p>
<p>Remus gives a short nod back, and Amelia turns around to walk back inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes land on Emmeline and he walks up to her and hugs her tight.</p>
<p>“Thank you for believing in me.”</p>
<p>Emmeline laughs as she hugs him back. “I wish I could take credit for that, but honestly, when you started talking about rats disappearing into the sewer, I thought you were mental. I wanted to hex your bollocks off.”</p>
<p>Sirius barks a laugh as he lets go of her. “Fair enough, fair enough. But you came through in the end.”</p>
<p>Emmeline looks at him. “Are you gonna be okay, Sirius? Do you need help finding a place to stay?”</p>
<p>Sirius glances back at Remus, who blushes and looks at the ground. “I have a place to stay.”</p>
<p>Emmeline smiles softly. “I’m happy for you.”</p>
<p>Remus steps forward and takes Sirius’s hand. “We’re gonna try to get custody of Harry.”</p>
<p>Emmeline beams at them. “That’s great! You’ll let me know if you need a lawyer, right?”</p>
<p>Remus laughs. “Of course! But we don’t expect it to come to that. From what I gathered, Lily’s sister isn’t exactly keen on having him, and Padfoot here has the strongest claim.”</p>
<p>“He’ll be lucky to have you two as his family.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s not a happy ending per se, Emmeline thinks, as she watches Sirius and Remus walk into the streets of London together, no longer holding hands, but close together with their shoulders almost touching, glancing over at each other from time to time. Harry will still have to grow up without his parents, Sirius will never be whole again and will have to find a way to live with the crippling guilt, Remus will still have to face prejudice and hatred every day, and at best find a job way below his capabilities. But now they have each other, and somehow, things don’t seem quite as bad anymore. They’re gonna be alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading, and I'd love it if you'd leave a comment!<br/>Find me on Tumblr as <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/engie-ivy">Engie-Ivy</a><br/>and come say hi!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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